by Saoirse Byrne
I'm not really sure what I should write, but I know what I don't want - and that is that this is not to focus on Benjamin's death. He lived life and loved life for 18 months and I don't want that to be overshadowed. People should not just think of leukaemia when they remember Ben. Of course, leukaemia played a major role in his life, but there was so much more to Ben than the illness that eventually took him from us. He lived nearly 10 months, more than half his life, without cancer!


Benjamin may have been the smallest member of our family, but he certainly made sure he was noticed! He had a very strong personality. He liked to do the bossing and not the other way around, as it usually is! Though his vocabulary was very limited, that didn't stop him from making lots of noise! Ben was constantly jabbering on about something and if you weren't paying enough attention to it, he'd shout a little louder. Sometimes he'd just stand in his cot and "sing" while we'd spend ages trying to get him to lie down and go to sleep. Ben much preferred to stay awake and keep us all entertained, though at 3 a.m., Mum and Dad weren't always so appreciative!


There's one word that you could never, ever use to describe Ben, and that word is "boring"! He was so much fun and always on the go. When he was well, he couldn't sit still for longer than 5 seconds - unless Teletubbies was on. That was the only program he'd actually sit and watch. Even if it meant dragging IV pumps along, Ben still managed to waddle around and try to climb everything! I caught him once attempting to climb the gate we had in our hallway, to stop him from getting up the stairs! He was a little troublemaker, but a loveable one! Somehow, coming in to find your favorite lipstick all over the kitchen wall (while Daddy and Alex sat and watched!) was endearing more than anything else! You couldn't help but fall in love with Ben. He had a beautiful smile that could make anyone smile too, no matter what mood they were in. He was always laughing and smiling - a really loving boy. His biggest smile was usually reserved for his Daddy. Ben got very excited when Tom came home from work and would go running up to the door, shouting and smiling to see his "DaDa"! They were very similar (despite their age gap!)


Benjamin adored Alex. Alex could really make Ben laugh by playing with his toys and making them "come alive", or by putting on silly voices! One of Ben's missions in life was to get at his brother's Beanie Babies, which were, in turn, guarded closely by Alex, since the first thing Ben would probably have done, was to try to pull them apart! Before he went in for his BMT, Alex gave Ben one and Ben was absolutely delighted. I can still see him smiling now. We buried that Beanie with Ben.


I don't want the sick Ben to be the only Ben remembered. I want people to think of the active, vivacious little boy who managed to climb out of his carseat (the only baby I've ever heard of doing so!) Remember the Ben who made so many people laugh with his antics - be it managing to cover himself in flour or just running around in circles continously, making us all tired in the process! Or, pulling the face that he did when he didn't like his food, but after realizing how much laughter he could bring about with that face, he pulled it all the time! Ben had lots of spirit and was so much fun, and I would like his memorial page to reflect his spirit.